I attended my first SANDS meeting just 5 weeks after Emma died. Dave and I were desperate to know we weren't alone. I remember one mother there, who had just passed her baby's first birthday, talked about how the day before was somehow harder than the actual birthday. How the day before was all about remembering how *this* day x years ago was the last time I was completely happy, completely the person I was before I became this person.
This time two years ago, I was already in labour - pretty far on as it turned out. This time two years ago I was excited about the fact we were about to meet the last baby to join our family - our little boy, George Joseph (or maybe George Nathaniel, it wasn't decided). Or, if I was completely wrong about the gender, our little girl ... Felicity Hope / Felicity Joy, maybe? I was SO wrong on so many counts. I don't really remember the physical pain of this day 2 years ago but I remember those wonderful, innocent expectations that things would turn out just the way we planned them.
5 comments:
You have not been far from my thoughts today, and tomorrow I'll be holding you close in my mind and thinking of Emma.x
I have thought of you too. Today is special to me too and I've been thinking of you as I make my way through the day.
Thinking of you both today and tomorrow.
I do this as well. All the time. We clearly have very similar taste in names, as Hope was to be Lily Joy. We never decided on a boys name though, but I guess in the end it didn't matter. What mattered was we had our daughter and we couldn't keep her.
Remembering Emma today. It is the 14th here already.
Much love to you all.
xo
You and your family are in my thoughts today, especially your precious Emma xo
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