I want to write "I miss my baby" and copy it billions of time, press publish and crash the internet with my desperate longing for what can never be. I miss her, I miss the weight of her in my arms, the feel of ticklish sucking as she nurses, the damp, flushed hugs of a toddler bewildered by bad dreams. I never had any of it but I miss it. Oh, I miss it.
This time three years ago I was deep in labour, so close to meeting my baby. I think this day might just be worse than tomorrow. On the fourteenth, by the time most people grumbled their way out of bed, D. and I had been wondering where life went and what happens now for several hours. We had our baby in our arms and she was beautiful and time was meaningless. We tend to celebrate on the fourteenth - celebrate love and beauty. Celebrate with tears, maybe but with cake and laughter too. But the day before is a day of grief - grief for what could have been and what can never be. I miss my baby, I miss my baby, I miss my baby, I miss my baby ....
12 comments:
There's no right words, so just a thinking of you.
I kind of like the idea of an appointed day of grief. The day our daughter was stillborn is complicated as it is also the day her twin brother was born. She had died six weeks earlier, likely on Veterans Day. I kind of like the idea of taking that as the moment of grief...
Missing Emma with you...I can really relate to just wanting to write "I miss my baby" a million times over.
You and Emma will be on my mind especially today and tomorrow. xxxooo
Missing Emma alongside you. I can't believe it has been a year since I first 'met' you.. I remember the first post I read was Emma's 3rd birthday post.
Love and light....
This was so beautiful. So much boils down to the missing. I'm so sorry beautiful Emma isn't here.
Thinking of you, Jill, and your family. Big ((HUGS)). Remembering Emma always...♥
Missing Emma with you today, I'm sorry you have to miss her. Sending love and light. I will light a candle for Emma tonight. x
Remembering with you Jill and Emma's Daddy and her siblings - with much love and understanding.
The day before always gets me too (which is now Juliet's birthday, boy do I have some figuring out to do in years to come).
Thinking of you and your beautiful family so much.
xo
Remembering Emma on her 3rd birthday.
You captured it all so well. Just the overwhelming missing and wanting to scream her name across the world.
Peace to you through one of the harder days. xo
Happy Birthday sweet Emma....
The day before is always the hardest. Missing Emma with you.
I also keep wondering what happened. How could things change so quickly. The hope we had to raise our daughters, just gone. I'll always remember her from your photos, she's a permanent part of my life now. Part of this secret part of us that is parents of babies who didn't stick around.
I used your candle you made for us for the 15th. So lovely and special.
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