I'm not Roald Dahl's biggest fan. Some of his books stretch the boundaries of the macabre a little too far for me but he does know what makes children tick. When I was still teaching, I used to read his autobiography, "Boy", with my Yr7 students - and, having read his account of life at a brutal English boarding school in the 1920's, I can understand why his view of the world was laced with casual cruelty. But "Boy" ends once he leaves school so I had no idea about what happened in his adult years ... and now that I do, I can understand even more fully where the darkness in his writing originates.
I was washing up yesterday and listening to the radio as is my habit. It was an archive programme - Roald Dahl's life, revealed through radio & television interviews that he gave. I hadn't realised that his precious daughter, Olivia, died from complications resulting from a measles infection when she was seven. At the end of his life, when he talked about dying, he is quoted as saying, "I've seen one of my children die. It's easy, anyone can do that. I'm ready."
It made me gasp, hearing it put like that. Because that's how I feel now. I should have died first - not my daughter. Not my BABY daughter. But, since she has, I am ready. I'm not suicidal - there are days when living is hard work but I do it anyway. I have two children who need me here, potentially other lives to nurture. I feel as though it's an affront to Emma, who never got to experience what this life has to offer, if I don't try to experience its richness. But, because of her, I no longer fear my death.
6 comments:
I don't fear it either. Whenever it comes, I will be ready.
That's one of the very the first things I thought when I was told Fionn had died.
That it would be easy from now on, dying. For if he can do it, I can. And if there is heaven/life after death/?? we will be united again. I wrote a few posts about trying to make sense about my time here left on Earth.
xoxo
Ines
That's a beautiful quote. What a gift our children give us, releasing us from the fear of death. Much love. XO
Before William died, I always said I could never work in hospice or be a military wife, or do something that would put me or mine on such a direct path with death. What a fool I was. William taught me that safety is an illusion. It was a horrible gift, and I cherish it every day, with every breath.
I think death in general is 'easier' for us to handle now.. (as long as said death doesn't include any more of our babies!) The thought of people I love dying used to just crush me.. since Dresden died, it doesn't seem so bad. I think once your child dies you truly can handle anything handed to you.
I totally agree--the prospect of death is not so scary anymore. Losing my son has completely changed my perspective.
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